I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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