I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
