I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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