I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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