What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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