This dress was meant to end up on your floor
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
