There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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