Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
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I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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