i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
