last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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