I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
