Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
