you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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