His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
