I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have post one night stand depression
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