Whoa Z and x make the same sound
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
