Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
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spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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