there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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