we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
