she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
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Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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