If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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