you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
