i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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