Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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