dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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