I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize