so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.