it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.