There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out