He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...