i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My Sexting was not on an AP level