You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Canadian or clown?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.