so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
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Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
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Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.