I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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