I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
