lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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