I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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