just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
