Are we in a gay sports bar?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
