areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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