You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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