I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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