I seem to have left my pride at pride
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
