You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
babies were throwing up all over the place
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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