If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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