just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.