Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
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Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour