I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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