at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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