youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize