i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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