If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
