Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize