So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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