Kareoke will never be a sober sport
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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