Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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